“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Ah, yes, the classic wisdom that everyone seems to toss around like confetti at a party. I heard it countless times, but it took me a while to really understand what it meant—and even longer to apply it to my own life.
The Friendship Test
A few months ago, I found myself in a bit of a pickle with one of my closest friends. After a decade of being her rock (and let’s be real, probably a crutch too), I said “No” to a request she made. Cue the dramatic music! She stopped speaking to me, and just like that, I was cast away into the “bad friend” corner. What hurt the most was that I had always been there for her, bending over backward even when I was struggling.
This time, however, I was the one feeling stretched too thin, like a rubber band about to snap. Her request would have meant serious inconvenience for me, and honestly? I just couldn’t. And here’s where I realized something: sometimes, friends expect too much from us without considering if we have anything left to give.
We All Know That Friend
We all have that one friend—the go-to venting buddy, the one who answers the phone on the first ring (if you don’t have one, congratulations, you might just be that friend!). In my case, I play both roles, juggling the support like a circus performer. But let’s take a moment to ask the real question: who checks in on that friend? Are they even in the mood to be the go-to person every single day?
Now, don’t get me wrong. It feels good to be needed and even better to support friends. However, I've recently come to the realization that I need to set some boundaries—like a knight guarding my mental health castle!
The Power of “No”
So, what does saying “No” look like? It’s saying, “No, I can’t come to the party this time; maybe next time!” or “Not today, I’m not feeling great, and I need to recharge.” It’s telling your friend, “Can I call you back when I’m in a better headspace?”
Boundaries are crucial! They can mean not letting someone trauma dump on you without warning or simply saying “I can’t handle this right now” when friends feel entitled to your time. It’s about being able to turn down invitations when you know that socializing might just send you straight to your couch, binge-watching Netflix while questioning all your life choices.
Why Boundaries Matter
Establishing boundaries isn’t just a good idea; it’s essential. It prevents burnout, emotional exhaustion, and the feeling of being overwhelmed. When you set limits, you ensure that when you do show up for others, you’re bringing your best self to the table, not a half-empty shell of your former self.
Let’s be honest: while it seems noble to always be there for everyone, you have to remember that if you’re not in the right mental or physical space, you’re probably doing more harm than good.
So here’s my battle cry: Put yourself first! I know it sounds a bit selfish but remember—you can’t help anyone if you’re running on fumes. So, the next time you feel the urge to say “yes,” ask yourself if you have the energy to actually deliver. If not, practice the art of saying “No.” Your cup will thank you for it!
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