Okay, let’s talk real for a second. We’ve all been there—dating different people for longer than we care to admit and racking up relationship horror stories that could rival a Nollywood blockbuster. But here’s the thing: I’ve noticed a trend (and I bet you have too)—people enter the dating pool with heartbreak still dripping from their sneakers! It's like showing up to a wedding wearing yesterday’s club outfit. The mismatch is real!
The Blessing of Self-Awareness
You know one trait that I absolutely love in people? Self-awareness. Yes, self-awareness is like a cheat code to life. When you have it, you see things others don’t. You notice patterns, red flags, and more importantly—you realize when you are the problem. I mean, let’s be honest: how many failed talking stages do we have to endure before we admit that sometimes, the common denominator is us? If you’ve got three failed relationships, five exes, and a fresh “talking stage” on life support, maybe it’s time to face the music.
Why Are We Out Here Carrying Emotional Baggage?
People love carrying things: takeaway boxes full of food, power banks to stay charged on the go, and unfortunately emotional baggage. Why are we deliberately hauling hurt and trauma like it’s our birthright? Why must your new boo suffer because Kunle from 2015 didn’t appreciate your fried rice? Or because Jane broke your heart during NYSC? It’s like signing up for a marathon and then dragging cement blocks along with you. You’ll never finish the race in peace!
Here’s the real gist: everyone has baggage. We all do. It’s a part of life. But if you’re serious about dating and finding something meaningful, check that baggage at the gate. Lock it up, tag it, and keep it moving. You can have things you’re working on, that’s cool. But for the love of all things good, if you know you’re still holding onto some deep-rooted trauma, do us all a favor and sit this round out. Heal first, date later.
Breakups: Take Time to Enjoy Life and Reflect
Let me give you free advice, and this one’s premium. After a breakup, take time to chill, reflect, and heal. No one is saying you should join a convent but be single for a bit. Sometimes being alone isn’t a punishment—it’s a reset. Ask yourself the hard questions: “Was I really the best version of myself?” “Could I have done things better?” “Am I, in fact, the problem?”
You know that one relative who’s been wearing the same outfit to every family event since 2010? That’s how you look jumping into new relationships with unhealed scars. Be kind to yourself and use the time alone to rediscover yourself. Go out, chop life, travel if you can (or just attend every Nigerian wedding in town, your choice), and figure things out.
Revenge Dating is Not the Flex You Think It Is
Look, if I had a dollar for every time someone told me, “Oh, I was so good to my ex and they still hurt me, so now I’m going to be mean in my next relationship,” I’d own a small oil company by now. Revenge dating is a scam. It’s like cooking Jollof rice without seasoning—nothing good will come out of it.
You’re out here thinking, “I’ll teach them all a lesson,” but the only lesson you’re teaching is how to sabotage your own chance at happiness. Guess what? You will never find joy in a healthy relationship if you’re still wearing the jersey from your last heartbreak match. Carrying past pain into a new relationship is like trying to drive forward while constantly looking in your rearview mirror—accidents are bound to happen.
Heal, Clear Your Mind, and Re-enter the Dating Game Like a Boss
So, here’s my final piece of advice: heal first, then date. Don’t carry all your emotional luggage to the next person’s doorstep. Clear your mind, detox your heart, and when you’re ready, step back into the dating pool like the boss that you are. Maybe this time, you’ll actually be open to new experiences, and who knows? The person you meet might just be “the one”.
At the end of the day, we all want the same thing: love, happiness, and maybe someone who can finally reply to messages on time. But if we keep holding onto the hurt from the past, we’ll miss out on the beauty of what’s ahead.
So, my people, let’s heal, reflect, and enter relationships with clean hearts. It’s 2024—we deserve better.
Final Word:
Check your baggage, find peace, and stop using new relationships as dumping grounds for old hurts. Date with clarity, not chaos, and the journey will be sweeter than Agege bread and groundnut!
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